Grace Church » Junior High

After Disciple Now 2012

Curtis Lindsey — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:32:27 +0000

It all started with a song.

That’s how music works sometimes. It moves. It empowers. It challenges. A few listens to Luminate’s song “Come Home” while driving home and Curtis was ready to take on the world. He settled for a Disciple Now. George finally agreed. So there we were.

Come home. It’s a message of forgiveness and a challenge to repent. It’s a story worth telling and a lesson worth hearing. The ending is open… how will you respond?

Welcome to Disciple Now 2012.

Thus began a weekend like none other: Grace Youth Ministries Disciple Now 2012.

Friday, January 13

By Friday evening, we’d spent literally months preparing, planning, and praying about this weekend. At 6 PM, our leaders and hosts gathered for a meal and a special time of encouragement and preparation for the coming weekend. Hugs were exchanged as the room filled with excitement and anticipation about what the Lord would do in and through us this weekend.

A Note About the Leaders

This weekend would not have been possible without the help of more than fifty leaders. Eleven families graciously offered up their homes to host a group of students (one group as many as twenty people)! Leaders, many of whom were college students getting prepared for the spring semester, devoted their weekend to helping our students grow in their relationship with the Lord. Many of these college leaders had themselves experienced the impact such as weekend can have on their own lives when they were in the student ministry at Grace Church, and now, this was their opportunity to give back. Many of our current student ministry leaders were involved in the weekend as well, both as hosts and leaders. We are so thankful for their willingness to go beyond simply a Wednesday night or Sunday morning involvement to encourage and challenge our students.

Doors Opened, 9:30 PM

Within minutes of the doors opening at 9:30, the G.Y.M. was filled with students lugging their backpacks and sleeping bags into the rooms to store their belongings. Many of these students had never been to a Disciple Now weekend before (the last one done at Grace Church was in 2008).

Main Session #1, 10:00 PM

At 10 PM, the doors to the worship room opened for the first time, and students had the chance to see the environment that God would use to teach them this weekend. The theme for this year’s Disciple Now was “Come Home,” so the worship room was decorated to reflect the emotion that comes from returning home by hanging frames, windows, and doors around the stage.

As the first countdown timer wound down to zero on the main screens, the students themselves counted down the final seconds. The lights faded, and the weekend officially began with this welcome video.

Cheers erupted as the video finished and Blake Boyd (along with his band: Jim Duyck, Jason Byas, John Tucker, and Seth Dickerson) took the stage for an opening worship set. Following this set, Curtis and George took the stage for the first time to welcome the students to the best weekend of the year. Everyone had a good laugh as Curtis and George humorously (and fictitiously) explained why it had taken them four years to have a Disciple Now. After giving away a prize, Curtis transitioned back into worship. As the band finished, this video played to introduce the group to the power of stories.

Curtis then spoke on the event surrounding one particular story Jesus told, the parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). In Luke 15:1-3, we read about the two groups of people surrounding Jesus: (1) the tax collectors and sinners, and (2) the Pharisees and scribes. The first group were those who had pushed away from God and were despised by mainstream society. In Jesus’ story, they would be represented by the younger (prodigal) brother. The second group of people were those who had confused their own morality for a relationship with God; in effect, they had become their own god. In Jesus’ story, they would be represented by the older brother.

We learned this night that Jesus wasn’t just telling a story about tax collectors, sinners, Pharisees, scribes, younger, or older brothers. He was, in fact, telling a story about us. You see, we are the characters in the story. We are either the younger brother, the older brother, or a combination of the two. We play these roles. Therefore, we closed the night in prayer, asking God to search our hearts and reveal to us the role we play in the story. This is, unlike what we might think at first, an important step to take because we will soon learn that—even though both types of people are alienated from God—both groups have hope in returning home to the Father. Therefore, it doesn’t matter which group we are, we can come home.

Midnight Bowling, 12:00 AM

The night was still young, and everyone had a lot of energy to spare as we closed the first main section by going over some of the Disciple Now traditions (rules), dropping our stuff of at the host homes, and headed to Village Bowl for two hours of laughing, bowling, and trying to make a “bingo” by doing crazy feats of bowling (like bowling a spare standing on one leg or knocking down at least three pins by bowling through the legs of everyone on your lane).

By 2 AM, most students still had some energy, but it was time to leave and head back to the homes. Disciple Now, day 1, was finished.

Saturday, January 14

Saturday morning came quick for most of the groups: with an 8 AM breakfast call, sleep was something that could be lived without.

Small Group Session #1, 8:30 AM

This first small group session started with a personal time to spend with the Lord looking at Luke 15:4-10, two other stories Jesus told concerning things which were lost. When the group got back together, they discussed Curtis’ lesson from the previous night and talked about which type of person they felt like God was reminded them they are (the younger or older brother).

Main Session #2, 9:45 AM

We were quickly headed back to the G.Y.M. for our second main session that started with an amusing story of a shared “dream” that Curtis and George had experienced the night before. In a strange turn of events, both had dreamed the same story about two “star-crossed” individuals, destined to fall in love yet never be together. The “soundtrack” to the dream was the most compelling; so much so that Curtis and George had to play the songs (sing-a-long style) for everyone. After Curtis and George got their dream off their mind, we played a game of “human farkle” involving a ninja, a pirate, and a gun. I’ve never seen such odd poses around the room as we all “battled” for supremacy and a nice prize.

George then transitioned us into another time of worship led by Blake and the band. Following worship, we were introduced to the text with our second Scripture video of Luke 15:11-24.

George taught the second main session that centered on the story of the younger brother. We learned of the younger brother’s choice to dishonor his family by asking for the inheritance early, and his journey to a “far country” where he squandered the wealth. Finally “coming to his senses” laying in a pig pen, the son realized that he would be better off as a servant in his father’s house. So just as he chose to leave the family, he chose to come home. Upon arriving home, the father unexpectedly embarrassed himself by running to his son, embracing him, and accepting him back into the family, The father threw a great party to celebrate the return of the younger brother who was lost and now is found.

Some of us are younger brothers: we push away from the love and care of the Father. But as the line in Luminate’s song “Come Home” says, “mercy doesn’t care what you’ve done.” The Father waits to receive us back… not as a servant, but as a son. Some of us need to turn away from our life that says “I have all I need in myself,” and turn back to a God who gives us all we truly need.

Small Group Session #2, 11:45 AM

George dismissed the groups to meet once again to discuss what they’d heard and how it applies to them. The big issue here was realizing how unworthy the younger son was to approach the father, yet the father didn’t care. He ran… and ran hard, to meet his son and welcome him home. Because of Jesus, we don’t have to do anything to “make ourselves good enough” to approach God. We are righteous in Christ.

Serving the Food Bank, 1:30–3:30 PM

After a quick sandwich lunch at the church, our groups headed throughout the community to gather food for the Wichita Falls Area Food Bank. The Food bank serves over 3,100 people each week with the food they need to survive. In about a hour and a half, our students collected almost 1100 lbs of food, enough to provide 785 meals. Along with the staple items, our students were looking for “unique” food items to win a competition. The winning group brought back some food paste with a label from Pakistan (it had no English). When in doubt… give the prize to the group who brings back something you can’t identify.

Free Time, 3:30–5:45 PM

Even the most stalwart students needed some down time. And if they didn’t need down time, they needed to work on their dance for the dance-off that evening!

Dinner at Grace, 6:00 PM

Our students arrived hungry to Grace around 6 PM and were greeted by an amazing meal prepared by several members of the body. We are so thankful for Pauline Moore, Virginia Joiner, Kandy Stuart, Joan Gowan, Jean Payne, and others who fed our “starving” teenagers!

Main Session #3, 6:45 PM

Our final session of the day kicked off with an exciting version of DC Talk’s famous song “Jesus Freak,” with Curtis and George providing the verses. It was memorable… to say the least!

But the night got even more memorable, as the student groups competed in a dance-off. Friday evening, the leaders had chosen at random a CD with a song to which the group choreographed a dance. I’m not sure if we’ve ever laughed so hard! Check out the dances your students came up with!

Curtis called us to a time of worship and Blake and the band led us in a another worship set. We transitioned into the talk with our third and final Scripture video which introduced the story of the older brother in Luke 15:25-32.

Curtis taught once again on the tragedy that surrounded the older brother. He was a hard worker at his father’s home, yet when he arrived back to see the party going on for his younger brother, he became angry and tried to manipulate his father. When we took a second look at the story, we learned that Jesus had told the parable directly at the Pharisees and scribes (represented by the older brother). Jesus was trying to speak truth to their sinful attitude that looked down on those they didn’t feel “worthy” enough to receive God’s love.

But like we said at the beginning, this story is about us. Jesus was speaking to us. Are we the older brother? We act like the older brother when we become angry when God “doesn’t come through,” when we compare ourselves, our gifts, or our blessings with others, when we are quick to become offended at criticism, when we lack assurance of the Father’s love, and when we elevate our own morality to the status of worshipping our good track record.

The session ended with an extended response time. Jesus’ story doesn’t have an ending… does the older son join the party or not? This detail forces us to ask ourselves, “what would I do?” Several leaders moved out into the classrooms and we gave the students the opportunity to seek them out if they needed prayer or to make a decision for Christ. Blake and the band led us in worship during this time of response. The call was threefold: (1) some students needed to place their faith in Jesus as their Savior for the first time, (2) some students needed to “come home” to the Father and move away from their life of self-dependence, and (3) some students needed to “come home” to the Father and join the party as they recognized that no one (not even them!) “deserve” God’s grace. We are all invited to the party… so let’s celebrate!

Small Group Session #3, 8:45 PM

We gave the groups a chance to meet back in their homes once again to process what they’d learned that evening. We believe that these times were the most important meetings of the weekend. Although we love to teach the Scripture and encourage our students in a large group setting, we recognize that it’s in the context of relationships (with the help of leaders) and discussion that students can be challenged to respond to the message of the story.

Superhero Skating, 11:00 PM

Once again, the night was still young as we all met up at the Roller Plex, dressed in our favorite superhero outfits, to indulge our “inner child” through skating and pizza. The costumes were great, and by the end of the time (1 AM Sunday morning), I think most of us were about as tired as could be.

Day 2 of Disciple Now was complete.

Sunday, January 15

We concluded the weekend on Sunday morning by celebrating what God had done in our lives. First, we gathered for a quick “sugar-rush” breakfast of donuts at the G.Y.M. Before heading to “Big Church,” we snapped a large group picture.

After attending the first service across the street (and if you found yourself dozing off… you weren’t the only one!) we went back to the G.Y.M. for our last main session during our normal SBF time.

Main Session #4, 10:45 AM

So much had happened that weekend, but we tried to sum it all up in a short hour-long session. First, we laughed at pictures the groups had texted in throughout the weekend as they went on a city-wide scavenger hunt. We had pictures of students posing as statues, shooting stars, roadkill, and even Washington Crossing the Delaware.

Blake then led us in some worship and George gave us a final charge for the weekend. George reminded us that, even though the father interacted with the two lost sons differently, his love for both of them never changed. For both types of people (younger sons and older sons), the opportunity to respond to the father’s love and mercy is still here.

The morning closed by looking back on the weekend through pictures; laughing at the funny faces, costumes, and events that had been such an important part of the weekend. (Thanks to Kay Chance and Kelly Trimble for being our photographers!)

You can see these pictures, and more, on the Grace Church Senior High Facebook page. While you’re there, be sure to “like” the page to keep updated with the latest information.

Some Final Thoughts

So much work went into making this weekend happen. Hundreds of hours were given not only by Curtis and George, but the entire church staff of Grace and dozens of volunteers. From setup to brainstorming, we are so thankful for your help. Finally, we are thankful for you, parents, who allowed your children to spend an entire weekend with us, and put up with them probably sleeping all afternoon on Sunday and all day long on Monday. (They had to catch up on sleep sometime!) This weekend, and the student ministry at Grace, would be no where without supportive parents.

Our goal this weekend was not just to have fun, although I hope we had lots. Our goal, as in everything we do, was to raise up mature student-disciples of Jesus Christ. We pray that this weekend was a chance for us all go grow deeper in our relationship with the Father whose arms are open to receive, our Savior Jesus Christ who died so that we might be reconciled to God, and the Holy Spirit who stirs within our hearts a love and devotion to the only one worth true worship. Blessings.

See you next year…?

Senior High Connection: "The Dirt on Dating" at The Forum

Curtis Lindsey — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 21:41:29 +0000

Because of the unique setting and important topic addressed at The Forum, this summary is much longer than the normal Senior High Connection. This review is designed to give you insight into almost everything we said so that you can follow up with your students at home. Here is a quick outline of what follows:

Introduction: Where is Dating in the Bible?
Date with Purpose
To experience companionship
To learn how to treat each other
To find out who we want to marry
Date in Public

Seek assistance from parents
Seek assistance from friends
Seek assistance from mentors or other adults

Date with Class

Image bearing involves taking care of the temple
Image bearing involves protecting the inside

Conclusion: Dating as Culture

Dating… yikes.

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy asks girl on a date. Girl says yes. Boy and girl go on several dates. Boy and girl become FBO (“Facebook official,”). Boy and girl break up in a long and terrible process that turns all their friends against each other, spreads rumors, and leads to vows of never dating again.

Is that all there is? Is dating simply an excuse to relieve hormonal pressure or climb the “food chain” of popularity at school?

In a word, “no.”

So what is dating? How do we date properly? Are there “rules” in dating? Should my parents be involved? How do I ask a girl out? Why do I have to date at all? Why doesn’t anyone want to date me? My friends say I should ask out so-and-so, should I? The questions go on and on…

We know dating is a difficult topic entwined with layers of emotional concerns and social implications. We know dating is difficult, at best, as a young person trying to navigate today’s culture. But, we also know that dating can be done in a way that honors the Lord.

Last night at the first installment of The Forum, we addressed “The Dirt on Dating” and tried to give biblical answers to the ever-changing cultural convention of dating. Here’s a summary of what we discussed. (We also had a panel discussion that answered questions from students. You can read the questions discussed here and listen to their answers here.)

Introduction: Where is Dating in the Bible?

Let’s say you decided you wanted to study dating in the Bible. So you sit down at your desk one night, grab your Bible off the shelf, and start flipping… and flipping… and flipping… Would you find a lengthy discussion on dating? Would you find the answers to “should I ask out Sue on a date?” or “when is the correct age to begin dating?” No you wouldn’t, if you were treating the Bible like a Dating for Dummies book. (Besides, they didn’t have “dating” in Bible times anyway.) Thinking about the Bible this way, you’d be hard pressed to find any dating advice in the Bible (outside of perhaps Song of Solomon).

But that doesn’t mean the Bible doesn’t talk about dating! In fact, it’s just the opposite! The Bible talks about dating everywhere when we approach the Bible as it is designed to operate. That is, when we (1) read the text and (2) understand what it means, we are (3) in a great place to apply the Bible to the specific area of dating!

In our discussion of dating, we looked at a lot of Scripture. However, in this summary I’ll just reference the passages instead of quoting them in full.

So does the Bible help us date well? You bet it does. We talked about three areas related to dating and saw how the Bible helped us honor the Lord: (1) date with purpose, (2) date in public, and (3) date with class.

Date With Purpose

The central truth to “date with purpose” is dating happens best when it is purposeful; otherwise, it ceases to be dating at all. We all date for a variety of reasons and purposes: to find fulfillment, to have friends, to make people like me, to have sex, to find a spouse, etc. But if we don’t date with the correct purpose, then we really aren’t dating at all. We gave three reasons for dating last night.

Reason 1: To Experience Companionship

When God created everything, he placed Adam in the garden with a job to name all the animals. While naming the animals (in an attempt to find a suitable helper), Adam was unable to accomplish this mission. There was no one suitable for Adam among all the animals (Genesis 2:18, 20).

Stop and think about this for a second. Adam was in the garden with God. Adam had a perfect, sinless relationship with God; they talked, walked, discussed, etc. with each other. They knew each other face-to-face.

Yet there was something missing. Adam was without something he needed. Adam + God, for Adam, wasn’t enough. That ought to blow your mind, but that’s how deep our need for companionship has been from the beginning. If you’ve ever been lonely, thought no one wanted you, and that no one loved you, welcome to being human. The feeling of loneliness and the need for companionship is one of the must fundamental (and earliest) emotions we have!

So we date to experience companionship. We date because we were created with a need to interact, engage, and be with other people. Guys were made to need girls, and dating helps us accomplish this.

Reason 2: To Lean How To Treat Each Other

Where’s the best place to find out how a guy should treat a girl? If you’re like me, you instantly think of where “not to look” to find out how men should treat women. It is true that much of what we see is less-than-helpful for parents who are trying to teach their children to respect and care for other people.

Most of us know the “first” and “second” commandments quoted by Jesus (see Matthew 22:37–40). The first: love God; the second: love others. But what would this look like applied to our dating relationships? Might dating be a place where we learn how to truly love each other (in a biblical way). Love is not an emotional feeling, but a conscious decision to place the needs of others above my own.

When we date, we learn how to treat each other. Guys learn NOT to honk the car horn in the driveway of their date to signal “I’m here, let’s go.” We learn how to talk, spend appropriate time with, and laugh with each other. We learn social skills as we date. We grow, develop, and are stretched. And when we do this in a way that truly loves (values) each other, we can grow spiritually.

Reason 3: To Know Who You Want To Marry

Guys and girls are different, to say the least. We illustrate this, we did an experiment. We asked all the girls and guys in the room some questions about marriage (we had guys and girls sitting on opposite sides of the room):

Ladies, how many of you have thought about your wedding day? Almost all the hands went up.
Ladies, how many of you have thought about your wedding dress? Again, almost all the hands.
Ladies, how many of you have thought about the colors you want in your wedding? 80% of the hands.

Guys, how many of you have thought about your wedding day? 3 hands.
Guys, how many of you have thought about your tuxedo at your wedding? 3 hands.
Guys, how many of you even knew that you have a specific color scheme at a wedding? 5 hands.

In fact, because I once was a high school guy, I offer that if any of these guys were thinking about anything related to the wedding, it was about the wedding night!

Guys and girls think about marriage in different ways. But regardless, one of the reasons we date is to find the person we want to marry. Dating is a cultural way that we “get to the next step.” And for many of us, that eventual “next step” will be marriage. Thus, we date the kinds of people that we could eventually marry.

As an aside: when I talk with college guys about their dating relationships, I often ask them “could you see yourself marrying her?” Most of the time, the guys get flustered because they believe I’m asking “do you want to marry her?”. However, that’s not what I’m asking. I simply want them to realize that if there’s ever a day they feel like they can’t marry her, then the relationship needs to be over. But back to The Forum.

So who should I marry? Most of these students aren’t asking this question, but asking “who should I date?” is the same question. We offered three things to look for in a potential date. Look for…

Shared preferences. Do you like doing what they like? Do you like to talk on the phone, ride bikes, study old dead guys in school, or eat fast food? “Opposites attract,” they say, but dating someone who likes doing the same things you like makes things a whole lot easier.

Shared life goals. One of the most significant conversations I ever had with Jennifer was when I asked her “could you see yourself as a pastor’s wife?” This was crucial because if I felt the Lord opening doors for me to work in ministry, and I wanted to marry Jennifer, then she was going to have to be okay with being a pastor’s wife. I don’t say this in an arrogant way. She couldn’t said “no I could never be a pastor’s wife.” Of course this would’ve made me upset, but it would’ve helped us know if we should get married! (Luckily, she said yes!) If you want to be a movie producer living in Southern California and your potential boyfriend or girlfriend wants to be a political campaign news personality in Washington, D.C., you’re going to have some problems. Having different life goals is totally okay! But that means dating might not be a good idea.

Shared beliefs. This is perhaps the most important. When we place our faith in Jesus for salvation, something radical happens. Everything about us is changed. We are different. In 2 Corinthians 6:14–16, Paul says that because of these differences, we have no partnership with the unrighteous. Because of this division, he says we are not to be “unequally yoked” with unbelievers. The word picture here is of two animals hooked together for a common purpose like pulling a plow. The animals must be going in the same direction, otherwise, the plow’s not going anywhere. Paul says “don’t be joined with an unbeliever” because you share nothing with them. Because marrying an unbeliever would go against this command, then we must conclude that dating an unbeliever would be the same. If you can’t see yourself marrying them, then whey date them? Think about it this way. Ladies, why would you want to date a guy who doesn’t share your same beliefs and commitment to sexual purity? Might he ask you to compromise on your standards? Guys, why would you want to date a girl who doesn’t share your same commitment to spiritual purity? Might she wear revealing clothing that “gets your engine revving” and only makes it harder for you to control you passions? By the way: “missionary dating” (when an believer dates an unbeliever by using the excuse that it is an attempt to “convert” them to Christ) is a bad idea too. You can hear Lance Bourgeois’ thoughts on this topic on the panel discussion at time 2:28.

Okay, so marriage is the final next step to dating. We date because it helps us understand what type of person we want to marry, and many times the types of people we don’t want to marry!

So what’s the purpose of dating? The purpose of dating is for guys and girls to learn to communicate, to learn about themselves, to learn about others, and to learn about their future. If dating is for this reason, then I’m all for it. But if dating isn’t done with this purpose in mind (for example, just to hold hands or have sex), then it’s not really dating, and I’m not for that.

Date in Public

The central truth to “date in public” is dating happens best when it is done out in the open.

Many of us think about dating as a two-person operation: just me and my date. But that shouldn’t be true! No, I’m not advocating you date more than one person! I mean dating should be done “in public,” that is, where others can see you and offer their guidance, assistance, and wisdom. We offered three sources of assistance in dating: (1) parents, (2) friends, and (3) other mentors or adults.

Source of Assistance 1: Your Parents

If you were like me in high school, then you keep your parents at “arm’s length” about some things, especially your dating life. I remember talking a fully three months of dating one girl before I told my dad! For many students, the only engagement about dating they have with their parents is for their parents to give them rules such as who you can or cannot date, what time you must be home, or how old you have to be even to go out on a date.

But what would it look like for your parents to be your allies in dating instead of your enemies? After all, many of them have been there before, they’ve got the gift of years thinking back on their experiences, and they provide the funds necessary for many of us to “date” anyway!

Here’s my challenge: if you think your parents are lame and give you too many rules, and thus you keep them out of your dating life, listen up. If you’re like this (kinda like I was in high school) I challenge you to let them into your world. Tell them about your dating life. Tell them about potential girls or guys you’d like to date. Ask their advice. (Woah, that’s a new idea!) Ask for their guidance, and actually listen to their words! (Woah, another new idea!) Let them into your world. Here’s my bet: if you keep your parents away because they have too many “rules,” I bet if you let them into your world and let them come alongside you in the area of dating that they will give you more freedom than you can imagine. I bet they would be more willing to give you flexibility if they were informed and felt like you were in this “dating” thing together. Of course I can’t speak for parents, but my guess is that this is true. Students: wanna take me up on my offer?

And if you think your parents just need to stay out of your life period, and you don’t have to tell them anything or follow their “stuffy” rules, then I’ll tell you that you’re not taking the Bible seriously. Can you guess what is one of the most often repeated commands in Scripture? Yep, “honor your father and mother.” Don’t believe me? Check out…

Exodus 20:12
Deuteronomy 5:16
Matthew 15:2–3
Mark 10:19
Ephesians 6:1–3

If you want to take the Bible seriously, then you need to listen to what it says. Listen and honor your parents. And more than this, let them into your world. I know I missed out on a lot of guidance because I kept them out of my life.

Source of Assistance 2: Your Friends

Most of us tell our friends much more than we’d ever tell our parents. In some ways, our friends know us better than anyone. So why keep them out of your dating life? Why not let them guide you, give advice, and—if needed—have them tell you “you’re an idiot, stop that”?

Proverbs talks in many places about the value of friendship. A friend is born for times of trouble (17:17), is able to actually make us stronger (27:17), and sweeten our lives (27:9–10). A good friend will speak the truth, even when they know it will hurt. Are you listening? A note of caution: your friends might know you “best,” but your parents have known you longer. Your parents probably know you better than you realize, and their advice is probably better.

Source of Assistance 3: Mentors or Other Adults

Okay, so you think your parents are “out of the loop” (they’re not, by the way). Regardless, do you have other people in your life who can speak truth to you? Do you have other adults (maybe your SBF leaders, teachers, interns, or pastors) who would love to meet with you, hear your concerns, and offer biblical wisdom? (The answer is yes!!!)

Another aside: you might’ve heard the term “courtship” before. Some of think of courtship as something for old people or “outdated.” I disagree. Courtship is, at its foundation, “supervised dating.” This doesn’t mean that you have to have grandma tag along when you take your girl to Red Lobster for dinner. It does mean that it’s a good idea to have older and wiser men and women in your life who can help guide you through dating and perhaps engagement. One of these days as you’re looking to get married, it’s a great idea to have people you respect guide you through making this decision. Charlie Eipper, in the panel discussion, says that he expects any boys who want to date his daughter to ask him first. Is this scary for guys? Well maybe. Is it great for the guy and his daughters? More than you realize. (You can hear his thoughts here; look for about 8:31 on the recording.) I was actually able to do this with my father-in-law before Jennifer and I started dating, and it set the tone for our whole engagement. Our parents truly became allies for us in our dating lives and we were able to look to them for guidance.

Date With Class

The central truth to “date with class” is dating happens best with standards that accurately reflect who we are.

Who are you? You might be a son, daughter, brother, or sister. You might be a student at a particular school. You might be a friend. All of these things describe who you are.

But you are first and foremost an image-bearer.

In Genesis 1:26–27, God declares he will make mankind (that’s you and me) in his image. What does it mean to be in God’s image? It relates to what God says in v. 27, that we would have “dominion” over his creation. We are God’s representatives in God’s creation. Back in the day (as in a long time ago), when a king conquered a new land, he might put a statue of himself in that new conquered land. That statue was meant to remind the people of that newly conquered land who was “boss.” Every time they saw that statue, they were meant to remember who was in control.

Every time we see a human, we are meant to remember who we represent: God.

As an image-bearer, our dating lives should reflect the image of the God we represent. We can do this by (1) taking care of the temple, and (2) establishing boundaries.

Image-bearing #1: Take Care of the Temple

Earlier we said that those of us who have placed our faith in Jesus have been radically changed. We are a temple of the Holy Spirit who lives within us (see 1 Corinthians 6:18–20). Thus, we should live in a way that represents this reality.

We should wash the outside of the temple. Guys, sometimes you need to take a shower and wear deodorant. No girl wants to date a guy who smells bad. Ladies, please don’t think that making yourself pretty by the world’s standards is vital (check out 1 Peter 3:3–4). However, taking care of God’s temple does mean staying healthy.

We should also protect the inside of the temple (and perhaps this is more important). Here are a few ideas that involve protecting the inside:

They’re not “the one” until you say “I do.” Until you vow yourself to that person in marriage, they’re not your spouse… so don’t act like it!

There is no one that you cannot live without. My wife, Jennifer, complements we very well. But she does not complete me. She can’t! Only Jesus can complete me. In dating, there is not a guy or girl on the planet that you “must” be with. If you’re finding your fulfillment in people, get ready for disappointment.

Love does not allow you to break God’s standards. Just because you feel an emotional attraction to someone does not give you license to break God’s standards. Ladies, if a guy ever says “If you love me you’ll… fill in the blank,” then you need to run and run fast! This is the very opposite of love, for that guy is just trying to satisfy his own desires.

Image Bearing #2: Establishing Boundaries

If you want to reflect God, then you’ll need to establish some boundaries, especially in dating. Here are some of those boundaries you need to think about:

Emotional boundaries. Guys and girls handle and process emotions very differently (if you haven’t already noticed). For example: for a guy, it might be easy to share his “greatest fear.” But for his girlfriend, sharing her greatest fear might take a good deal of courage and trust. By telling the guy her greatest fear, she might be making a much more emotional statement that the guy will realize. (Telling the guys her greatest fear might be her second greatest fear!)

Social boundaries. We’ve already said that dating should be done in the open, and dating done in the open is going to have social implications. For example: breaking up is a hard thing to do, especially if you have to see each other in class every day after the break up!

Spiritual boundaries. There’s no doubt that guys should take the lead in relationships, and sometimes this means spiritually as well. But guys and girls praying together can be a deeply emotional and spiritual exercise. Some girls aren’t ready for that kind of connection, and that’s okay! Furthermore, you should spend time with the Lord not just when “have a devotional” with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Physical boundaries. This is probably the most obvious (and maybe the most ignored). When it comes to sexuality within relationships, the Bible uses the imagery of fire (see Proverbs 6:27–29). A camp fire can be a great benefit and a real life saver when in the wilderness, when it is kept in its location. But try to pick up a camp fire and carry it close to your chest, you know what will happen: you’ll get burned! Sex is the same way. (By the way, when we say sex, we mean ANY sexual expression, even if it’s not “intercourse.”) But don’t for a second think that the Bible views sex negatively. On the contrary, when in the proper boundaries, the Bible speaks about sex in perhaps the most uplifting, encouraging, and at times, explicit, language you can imagine! (Check out Song of Solomon 7:11–13… they’re not talking about harvest time!) Sex was created by God, and he designed it to work best within the confines of marriage.

Conclusion: Dating as Culture

Dating happens best when it is purposeful, out in the open, and within proper standards.

But it’s important to understand that dating is a part of our modern culture. In Bible times, they didn’t “date” like we do. So does that make dating “bad”? By no means! The modern convention of dating can be a great way (and in some ways, the only way, unless you want your parents to arrange your marriage) to find a spouse.

Dating can be done in a way that honors the Lord. We pray that you will do just that.